Words of Wisdom

Originally Posted 11/13/06

I mentioned in the comments on another blog that I like to change stories around sometime when I tell them to my older daughter to give her a perception of the other side. This is a version of the three little pigs that I came up with, let me know what you think of it.

Once upon a time there were three little pigs living opulent lives of luxury, enjoying the best that money could afford. They lived in an exclusive golf course community where they each owned large cavernous houses where they made their home. One of them had a rustic-looking house of straw lavishly decorated with antique art that you could not help but admire. The second pig lived in a house of the finest, rarest woods culled from deep in the Brazilian rainforests. The third pig lived in a house of marble and filled with the most extravagant sculptures that could be found. Here they lived, in their supposed happiness, surrounded by others who were just like them and separated from the outside world.

Beyond the walls of the affluent pig neighborhood, the urban scenery changed drastically. There were no golf courses or mansions made of straw, wood, or stone. The streets were strewn with debris and lined with shabby buildings barely able to stand on their foundations. Crime reigned and skinny children dressed in rags walked the streets begging for food. Desperate to find some respite from their bleak lives, residents turned to drugs just to experience a moment of happiness. This was the neighborhood of the wolves.

One wolf had had enough, though, and one day, while gazing upon his young children struggling for survival and near the point of starvation, he resolved to do something about it. That day he decided to climb over the wall surrounding the pig neighborhood and ask them why they had so much while the wolves were left with almost nothing.

It was a Sunday and the pigs were just leaving their gigantic church, replete with plush décor and loaded with more amenities than a four star resort, where they had just had another sermon about the roles of boars and sows and how boars should never be with other boars and sows should never be with other sows. Their pastor told them again how their Christian pig nation was under attack and that God wanted them to take over the government and lower taxes and they all said amen.

After the service, the three pigs went to their favorite restaurant where they stuffed themselves with the best food on the menu, throwing whatever was left from their oversized portions into the trash. Then full and happy that they weren’t like the sinners their pastor talked about, the pigs loaded into their separate SUVs and drove home to their respective homes for a nice afternoon of lazing around doing nothing.

The wolf, who had to sneak past security and scale the neighborhood wall, came to the first pig’s house of straw. Knowing that he was of a much lower class than these pigs, the wolf hesitantly knocked on the door.

“Mr. Pig, would you please let me in? My children are at home starving and I have not been able to find any steady work that will take me. Would you please help us?”

“Why don’t you get off your lazy butt and go get an education and a job like I did. I’m tired of having my taxes go to your welfare check so that you lay around and do nothing!”

The wolf became angry, perhaps angrier than he had ever been. “These rich people don’t understand what it’s like to be caught up in an endless cycle of poverty,” he thought to himself and his hatred grew within him.

“Little pig, if you don’t let me in, I’ll blow your house down!”

So the wolf huffed and he puffed and he blew the entire house down! The fabulous art that the pig had meticulously collected and taken care of over the years was strewn along the streets and the pig, fearing for his life, ran to the house of the second pig.

The wolf approached the door of the wooden house, still feeling a sense of trepidation, but slightly more confident now after standing up to the first pig. He came to the wooden door and knocked loudly.

“Mr. Pig, would you please let me in? My children are at home starving and I have not been able to find any steady work that will take me. Would you please help us?”

“You don’t scare us! Why don’t you go get a job, you lazy bum!”

The rage against injustice building within the wolf finally boiled over as he menacingly growled, “Little pig, if you don’t let me in, I’ll blow your house down!”

So the wolf huffed and he puffed and he blew the entire house down! Splintered pieces of rare rain forest wood covered the ground and the two pigs scurried away to the third pig’s house.

Finally the wolf approached the door of the marble castle belonging to the last of the three pigs. He was frustrated and hungry and tired and he knew that this would be his last hope at getting the sustenance that his starving children needed to live. He knocked on the door.

“Mr. Pig, please help me. I’ve tried two of your neighbors and they both refused and my poor children are starving. I’m begging you to please help us.”

“Ha, wolf you don’t scare me! You know ‘your kind’ doesn’t belong here. Why don’t you go back to your shanty!”

So, having reached the tipping point for the third time, the wolf again growled, “Little pig, if you don’t let me in, I’ll blow your house down!”

So the wolf huffed and he puffed and he huffed and he puffed, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not blow the marble mansion to the ground.

So, how should the story end? Here are a few possibilities for you to choose from.

1. The pigs finally realize that wealth should be more evenly distributed among everyone and they change their ways. They help the wolf family to rise out of their poverty, saving the young children in the process. Then, taking it a step farther, they begin lobbying their church to take a stand for the poor.
2. Being members of the NRA, the pigs open fire on the wolf and tear him to pieces with their lead bullets. Their efforts at defending the home are lauded in the paper as a win for the “good guys.”
3. The pigs call the police who come and give the wolf a good beating before hauling him off to prison, which happens to be filled with other wolves. This starts off a riot where wolves from the ghettos burst into the neighborhood and burn the houses to the ground, looting and destroying everything in sight.
4. The wolf realizes that his hope of social justice has been defeated and he trudges back to his home and his hungry children to try and survive another day.