Get Behind Me Santa!

Yes, it’s that time of year again. It’s time to string lights and ornaments upon a once-proud tree that is now dying a slow death by dehydration. It’s a time remember that occurence two millenia ago when the cattle were lowing on that silent night in the little town of Bethlehem when Jesus was born into this world. It’s a time to remember those less fortunate than ourselves. And, of course, it’s a time for that jolly old elf, Santa Claus.

But is this Santa really who we think he is?

Yesterday my friend Jacob alerted me to something rather disturbing about ol’ Kris Kringle and now the thought of his influence upon our children is causing me no small bit of uneasiness. It’s not about the overcommercialization of a Christian holiday or about the “true meaning” of Christmas. No, it is something far more sinister…

Santa is a Communist.

It must be true. The signs are undeniable that Santa is steeped in Marxist philosophy.

First of all, let’s look at the obvious outward signs – St. Nick wears red and, like Marx and Lenin and Castro, he has a beard. Just add a jolly ol’ Santa hat to this picture of Karl Marx and what do you get?

But the list doesn’t stop there, oh no. St. Nick keeps a sweat shop staffed with overworked elves living in forced poverty to make lead-ridden toys for unsuspecting American children – just like those in communist China! Not only that, but it is indisputable that his scheme of Christmas gift-giving is just another attempt by the radical left to legitimize the redistribution of wealth! So, while the bestowing of gifts may seem innocuous, the malevolent specter of Communism is just below the surface slowly indoctrinating our kids with its anti-Capitalist ideology.

And we can’t forget his covert tactics to ensure a certain behavior among the world’s children. Like Big Brother, he sees you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake. He even borrows tactics from the Soviet KGB in his “naughty or nice” list and you don’t even want to know what happens to those children deemed naughty…

So, what do you think? Is Santa really just a front for a Communist ideology that is out to destroy our American values?

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