Words of Wisdom

There is something about the hot, humid, carefree (well, sort of) days of summer that makes it easy to suspend your disbelief. It’s a time in which you can enter a world of explosions and mayhem that mercillessly bend and break the laws of physics in a land where high body counts and scantily clad women are the norm. Yes, that’s right, it’s time for summer movies. This weekend kicks of another season of high-octane, testosterone-fueled pieces of film that allow us to again enter the adolescent world of sex and violence and bad dialogue.

And I can’t deny it, I’ll surely be in line for at least some of the following summertime flicks.

None of the movies have been released yet and, because of the fact that I watch very little television, I haven’t seen many of the trailers for the upcoming slices of popcorn entertainment. That being the case, I believe that I am perfectly qualified to give a fair and balanced judgment on the value of several of the upcoming movies just from reading about them on IMDB. So, without further ado, here are my takes on ten summer movies, in order of their release, without having seen them.

10. Iron Man (May 2) – The movie that officially kicks off the summer is from a genre that we have come to be very (almost too) familiar with over the past few years – a comic book film. From what little I’ve seen, it seems to have a pretty cool look to it, but I’m just not convinced about having The Dude as a bad guy.
Verdict: Wait ’til it’s on Netflix

9. Speed Racer (May 9) – The Wachowski Brothers return from V for Vendetta and the Matrix trilogy with this? Really? As if Matrix Reloaded wasn’t bad enough?
Verdict: No Thanks

8. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (May 16) The cast returns from The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, for this version of the second book in C.S. Lewis’ popular series. I’m sure it will be another enjoyable, though not exceptional, romp through the mythical world of Narnia and its rather obvious Christian symbolism.
Verdict: Theater, but not for the opening.

7. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May 23) – Harrison Ford resumes the role of archaeologist adventurer Indiana Jones 19 years after the last entry in the series. This time, Dr. Jones “becomes entangled in a Soviet plot to uncover the secret behind mysterious artifacts known as the Crystal Skulls.” Does anything induce nostalgia like Indiana Jones and the “evil” Soviet Union (I guess the Nazis must be gone by the time of this sequel). Steven Spielburg directs, George Lucas co-writes, and even Karen Allen, who played the Indy’s original love interest, Marion Ravenwood, in “Raiders,” returns. Even if this movie is terrible, it’s a must-see.
Verdict: I’m there, dude.

6. You Don’t Mess with Zohan (June 6) – I haven’t found Adam Sandler to be particularly funny in probably a decade and normally I wouldn’t even pause to consider another film of his directed by Dennis Dugan – the responsible party for both I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and The Benchwarmers. But, this film has another asset going for it that neither of those had – Judd Apatow as co-writer. Thusfar I am convinced that everything Apatow touches will be hilarious.
Verdict: Wait ’til it’s on Netflix

5. The Incredible Hulk (June 13) – Who came up with the idea of making another, separate Hulk movie just five years after the last one? Sure, this one stars Edward Norton as Bruce Banner, who is far cooler than Eric Bana, but I still don’t quite get the motivation for it. Also, director Louis Leterrier, whose only accomplishments as a film director consist of The Transporter and its sequel, isn’t exactly a ringing vote of confidence.
Verdict: Ummm…not sure, but I’ll at least wait for Netflix.

4. The Happening (June 13) – M. Night Shyamalan has been in quite a slump since the incredibly underwhelming end of Signs, so I have trouble getting excited for the man who was once trumpeted as the next Hitchcock. The plot synopsis reads: A paranoid thriller about a family on the run from a natural crisis that presents a large-scale threat to humanity. But, that tells me little – will this be a return to Sixth Sense/Unbreakable form or will it be another Lady in the Water debacle?
Verdict: Wait ’til it’s on Netflix

3. Hellboy II: The Golden Army (July 11) – While I’m not exactly convinced that Hellboy needed a sequel, it was a fairly enjoyable film and I’ve turned into a big fan director Guillermo Del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth).
Verdict: Wati ’til it’s on Netflix

2. The Dark Knight (July 18 ) – Christopher Nolan’s second film in the Batman canon is certain to be another surreal juggernaut on par with, if not even surpassing his first installment, Batman Begins. Christian Bale returns to the role of Bruce Wayne with the late Heath Ledger donning the maniacal persona of the Joker and stepping into the huge shoes of Jack Nicholson’s insane performance in Tim Burton’s 1989 film.
Verdict: I’m there, dude.

1. Pineapple Express (August 8 ) – Okay, it stars and was co-written by Seth Rogen and it was produced by Judd Apatow (both of 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Superbad fame). It’s plot outline reads: A stoner and his dealer are forced to go on the run from the police after the pothead witnesses a cop commit a murder. This is destined to be another comedic classic.
Verdict: Definitely a must-see, but maybe not in the theater.

The film that I think sounds the best for the upcoming summer movie season is a little indie feature (imagine that) whose description sounds like it could really be something exceptional. Son of Rambow is a British comedy from director Garth Jennings, who gave us the underwhelming Hitchhiker’s Guide the the Galaxy, but was also involved with the hilarious Edgar White/Simon Pegg features Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead. This movie is titled Son of Rambow and its plot reads as follows: A shy boy growing up in a sheltered British community makes an unlikely collaborator with his rough-and-tumble schoolmate in his attempt to film his own shot-by-shot version of Rambo: First Blood.
Verdict: Definitely a must-see, but most likely a Netflix pick-up.

What else should be included in the list?