Words of Wisdom

Summer is a time dedicated to a plethora of fun-filled activities. Some play baseball, some go on vacations, some garden, some lay by the pool, but many Americans look to another place to scratch their entertainment itch – the movie theater. As the calendar turns to the warmth-filled months ahead, these sorts of people seek to doff their thinking caps and settle in for some mindless entertainment as a respite from the oftentimes oppressive heat. Thus this hedonistic desire for pleasure led to an entire genre of motion pictures – summer movies. The films of summer generally do not seek to challenge or disturb their audiences, rather they are filled with age-old stories of good triumphing over evil, along with generous helpings of sex, violence, and physics-defying feats. Each year there are some films recognized as blockbusters and some seen as busts, some that garner much acclaim and some whose absurd badness is just laughable.

Given that none of these movies have been released yet, I must admit that I have never seen any of them. On the other hand, I have read their descriptions and therefore I feel quite confident in judging their worthiness for public consumption. So, without further ado, welcome to my 2009 summer movie preview based solely on the information found at the Internet Movie Database and Rotten Tomatoes.

May 1: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
This prequel to the X-Men trilogy has the misfortune of following the worst movie of the series, X3, but the fact that it revolves around perhaps the best character of the earlier films bodes well for this as the anointed summer-opener. Hugh Jackman reprises his role as the title character in this dark look back at his vendetta against Victor Creed/Sabretooth (Live Schreiber) and his participation in the mutant Weapon X program where his path crosses that of fellow mutant Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) and others. The directorial position was passed on by comic book film vets Bryan Singer (X-Men, X2) and Zack Snyder (300, The Watchmen), before being finally picked up by the relatively unknown (by me at least) Gavin Hood, whose past exploits include Rendition and Tsotsi.

The Verdict: In my view, the director is the person who truly makes a movie, so, naturally I am a bit skeptical of this release. That being said, an entire movie dedicated to the character of Wolverine is quite appealing, so I’m sure that I will eventually see this one. This gets 9 out of 10 on the must-see scale.

May 8: Star Trek
This addition to the Star Trek canon takes fans back to a time before the other movies, when the characters were still quite young. Chris Pine takes on the role of James T. Kirk, Zachary Quinto takes on Spock, and, in a really cool bit of casting, Simon Pegg joins the crew in the role of Scotty, as the youngsters fight to save the Federation from an evil Romulan named Nero (Eric Bana). The movie is helmed by director J.J. Adams, whose best known work in film is Mission Impossible 3.

The Verdict: Star Trek is one of those cultural phenomena that I’ve just never gotten, but, then again, I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched the movies nor have I ever paid attention to the television shows. Rabid Star Trek fans are a curious subculture of people wearing fake pointy ears that I would just as soon leave alone. 4 out of 10 on the must-see scale.

May 15: Angels & Demons
Tom Hanks returns to the role of Robert Langdon in this Ron Howard-directed vehicle based on another work of Dan Brown. This time around Langdon is working to solve a murder and prevent a terrorist attack against the Vatican, while no doubt uncovering vast conspiracies held together by long-hidden secret codes.

The Verdict: It was with a sense of shame that I read Dan Brown’s most popular work, The DaVinci Code, and muddled through his poor writing and preposterously stupid ideas, so it was quite easy for me to completely ignore the release of Howard’s film based on it. Due to fact that I thoroughly disliked that book and because life is far too short to waste on bad writing, I have successfully avoided everything else he has penned. That being said, I will not be going to see this film. 1 out of 10 on the must-see scale.

May 22: Terminator: Salvation
The fourth chapter in the Terminator Saga finds messiah figure John Connor (Christian Bale) leading a group that survived Skynet’s attempt to destroy humanity through a nuclear holocaust as they struggle to stay alive. Sam Worthington stars as Marcus Wright, a time-traveler with no memory of where he came from. The film is directed by McG, who also helmed pictures like We Are Marshall, Charlie’s Angels, and Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle.

The Verdict: I have to admit that rebooting the Terminator with Batman in the lead role sounds really cool, but at the same time it is a bit worrisome that the man in charge of this was also responsible for the Charlie’s Angels movies. You can be sure of one thing, though, it will be chock-full of explosions and awe-inspiring special effects. Based solely on Christian Bale’s presence, I’ll give this one 8 out of 10 on the must-see scale.

May 22: Night at the Museum: Escape From the Smithsonian
This sequel finds Larry (Ben Stiller) infiltrating the Smithsonian to rescue Jedidiah (Owen Wilson) and Octavious (Steve Coogan), where he finds himself in the middle of a great conflict involving many great figures of history.

The Verdict: I never saw the first one and I tend to not be a big fan of Ben Stiller’s brand of comedy, so this movie will surely be one to avoid. 2 out of 10 on the must-see scale.

May 29: Up
Pixar deserves a lot of credit for making animated movies that are actually watchable and enjoyable for adults and children alike. This film is helmed by two individuals: Pete Docter, who previously directed Monsters Inc. and wrote both Toy Story movies and Wall-E, and Bob Peterson, who wrote Ratatouille and Finding Nemo. Up follows the exploits of elderly man Carl Fredrickson (Ed Asner) who ties thousands of balloons to his home in order to fly to South America. Soon after lifting off, though, he encounters a young boy named Russell (Jordan Nagai) who inadvertently stowed away on the trip.

The Verdict: Pixar films are always worth seeing, so it is a safe bet that this one will also be an excellent piece of cinema. 8 out of 10 on the must-see scale.

May 29: Drag Me to Hell
Before Sam Raimi made a name for himself directing the Spiderman blockbusters, his forte was in the horror genre, where he helmed the classic Evil Dead films. To our great joy, he is returning. This film stars Alison Lohman as a loan officer who is ordered to evict an old woman from her home and soon finds herself the recipient of a supernatural curse that turns her life into a living hell.

The Verdict: One word: Awesome. Sam Raimi is getting back to his roots in blood and gore, a place that should be a welcome respite from the bloated excess of Spiderman 3. 9 out of 10 on the must-see scale.

June 5: Land of the Lost
Based on a 1970’s television series of the same name, this movie follows the adventures of park ranger Rick Marshall (Will Ferrell), research assistant Holly (Anna Friel), and survivalist Will Santon (Danny McBride) after they are sucked through a space-time vortex and deposited into a world where they must battle the elements, outsmart creatures, and escape this alternative universe. Director Brad Silberling, who previously helmed movies such as Lemony Snicket and Moonlight Mile, takes the reins of this effects-filled vehicle.

The Verdict: Will Ferrell movies tend to be hit-and-miss affairs. He often has extremely funny moments – Old School and Talladega Nights – but, at the same time, he has also been responsible for bombs like Bewitched, another television remake. I don’t have high hopes for this movie, but who knows, Will Ferrell as a park ranger could be really funny.
5 out of 10 on the must-see scale.

June 12: The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
Another 70’s remake, this from a 1974 film, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 follows the story of a hostage situation aboard a New York City subway train and the face-off between the criminal mastermind and a radio dispatcher. This tale of a violent stand-off has an excellent cast, starring Denzel Washington, John Travolta, and James Gandolfini. The work of director Tony Scott has not been particularly impressive in recent years, with derivative films like Déjà vu, Domino and Man on Fire exemplifying his work, but, to his credit, he did direct Top Gun 23 years ago (Really, that long?).

The Verdict: I can’t help but wonder a bit at the cinematic choices of Denzel Washington in recent years, but like most of his other films in recent years, I probably won’t make any particular effort to see this one. It just seems like the same old sort of cop movie that has been around for years. 3 out of 10 on the must-see scale.

June 19: Year One
This promising prehistoric comedy stars the very funny duo of Jack Black and Michael Cera as two lazy hunter-gatherers who, after being banished from their village, set of on a journey through the ancient world where they encounter Biblical characters like Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, and Abraham and Isaac. Director Harold Ramis (aka Egon Spengler) has helmed films like Analyze This and Analyze That in recent years, two movies which I have never seen, but I have watched two early 80’s classics that he was also responsible for: National Lampoon’s Vacation and Caddyshack.

The Verdict: I tend to like Jack Black and I think that Michael Cera is incredibly funny, so this film could be very good. Let’s hope it lives up to its promise. 7 out 10 on the must-see scale.

To be Continued…