The Elephant Stomps Back – part 1 May 19, 2009Posted by Matt in The Elephant Stomps Back.
Tags: Conservatives, fiction, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, secret society
Few have ever ventured into the hard terrain of this wilderness area. Trees overhang the narrow and hardly visible dirt path, their limbs like ghastly skeletal arms reaching for any who dare pass and the years of neglect are evident in the multitude of tall weeds covering the road like an invading army. So, nobody was present on that day to see the caravan of SUVs and Hummers tearing their way through the forest, over the rushing creek and up the steep mountain road, all the way to its towering peak.
“What has it been?” the man driving the lead Hummer thought, “15 years? And yet it is time again.”
Soon the line of vehicles approached a rock formation, one that looked strangely like a large elephant, and they came to a halt. The driver’s side door swung open on the lead Hummer, the man, whose dark cloak clouded his features, dropped to the ground and walked over to the rock formation, where he grabbed what appeared to be the stone elephant’s trunk with both hands and pulled down on it like a lever. Though it squealed a bit as if it were in need of oil, the trunk swung down fairly easily and the entire formation began to shudder, the sound of gears creaking to life for the first time in years filling the air, and the structure began to slowly move, crawling across the ground to one side and leaving a very large, gaping hole where it had once stood. The man motioned to the others to follow, climbed back into his overly large vehicle and, with a puff of black smoke from the exhaust pipe, he accelerated into the dark hole.
The dark cavern twisted round and round as the vehicles descended farther into the bowels of the earth, their headlights casting a light upon these smooth rock walls that had not been seen in many years. After some time, the path opened up into a large underground area and the Hummer pulled into what seemed to be a predetermined spot and parked. In turn, each of the trailing vehicles pulled in beside the first one, forming a long line of metal behemoths. Again the man climbed down from his truck’s lofty perch, this time being joined by his fellow travelers from the other vehicles, all standing silently with their faces hid in the darkness. He quickly reached up and pulled aside a dark curtain, revealing the first bit of color to be seen, a large metal door adorned with an American flag.
“Yes,” he murmured, “the time has come again.”
Behind the door lay the meeting room, looking exactly as the man remembered it fifteen years earlier. One wall was adorned with a painting of Jesus in military fatigues and carrying a large machine gun, another held an artistic piece mirroring the section of Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel best known as “The Creation of Adam,” except in this version Adam had been replaced by Ronald Reagan. In the center of the room sat a long conference table with five chairs situated around it.
The man stepped to the front of the room as the others fanned in around him. “Welcome!” he shouted, “to the 2009 edition of our secret society, Conservatives Resisting All Principles. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is time to take our country back!”
Pulling away his cloak, the man revealed himself – Newt Gingrich.
To be continued…