Twas the Night Before Christmas...with Zombies

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The children they slept, without thought of danger
Making a silent night, like Christ in the manger

Lying down by my wife, in warm pajamas in bed
I fluffed my soft pillow and lay down my head
When all of a sudden, I heard a loud crash
I jumped from my slumber, as quick as a flash

The red of the blood on the new-fallen snow
Made me shake with dread, and yell out a great “No!”
My eyes wide with fright, had just seen quite clear
A miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer

The little old driver was certainly dead,
For hanging to one side was half of his head
In his dead hands, he still held the reins,
But the only word that he would say was, “Brains!”

The reindeer were also too far beyond aid
Their teeth gnashing in an unholy parade
They landed on the roof with a crash quite sick
And I knew I would soon face zombie St. Nick.

I reached out and grabbed the poker for the fire
Just in time as dead Santa fell into the pyre
Taken back for a moment, I shook with fear
For Kris Kringle was missing an eye and an ear.

Blood stained the fur that trimmed his red suit
It ran all the way down into his black boot.
I lunged with the poker, right into his belly
His exposed brains shook like a bowl full of jelly

But he did not slow down, not even a pause
With a jerk he lunged at me, that old Santa Claus!
I slipped to the floor falling onto my back
And in a mere moment the dead elf did attack

I tried to fight, to call on God like a preacher
He merely bared his teeth, that unearthly creature
I heard him exclaim, as he bit my arm so raw
He didn’t say “Merry Christmas,” he only said “Bwaahhh!”

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