The End is Nigh! March 22, 2010
Posted by Matt in politics.Tags: apocalypse, Communism, death, destruction, health care reform, Obama, tea parties
2 comments
The Future, as Seen Through the Eyes of a Tea Partier
Wind swept across the barren landscape for a few seconds, though it provided little reprieve from the oppressive and foreboding air of death engulfing the land. The skies were gray and bleak, with overcast clouds blocking out any visible rays of sunshine, enshrouding the citizens below with hopelessness. Mighty trees lay dead and rotting on the ground, while the lawns, once sparkling with a chemically-enhanced green, were now brown and shriveled reminders of the past.
I stood outside and looked intently down the street, wondering with great trepidation if they would soon be back. The death panels first took the old and infirmed, usually in the dead of night, mysteriously sweeping away any evidence of their existence with one devastating stroke and leaving behind only memories, remembrances now fading away as one day of hell gives way to the next. Now the reach of the panels has moved beyond the more helpless candidates, instead targeting anyone with a mindset differing from that of the government and leaving everyone ill at ease and wondering whether or not they might be next.
It all began with health care reform. Once the ball started rolling down the slippery slope of governmental control, it could not be stopped. Soon they forcibly took our guns and inefficient cars, leaving us unarmed and astride bicycles as our churches burnt to the ground and our children were indoctrinated with gay Nazi Communism. Every private business failed and communities turned into ghost towns where commerce was impossible due to the tax rate of 95%. In ‘O’merica (yes, even the name of the country has been changed) the Constitution has been destroyed, replaced by Karl Marx’s “The Communist Manifesto,” the Koran, and the various books written by the president, now known as the Grand Emperor.
And March 22, 2010, marked the beginning of the end.
The Hand That Threatens Doom January 14, 2010
Posted by Matt in random.Tags: apocalypse, destruction, Doomsday clock, end of the world
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According to scientists with the Bulletin of Atomic Sciences, we are slowly inching away from the apocalypse. The four horses are bridled and ready, but their riders have kicked back in their easy chairs for a bit longer, content not to bring their ride of destruction to the face of the earth just yet.
But, why have this short burst of optimism? Why should we put down our signs proclaiming “The End is Near?”
Well, the BAS has moved the hand of the Doomsday clock back 1 minute, from 5 to 6, meaning that the catastrophic end of the world has been averted, at least in the short term. The last time the Doomsday clock was moved was in January 2007, when it went forward by two minutes, from 7 to 5. According to the group, the dangers that may trigger the end of the world include the 27,000 nulear weapons currently in the world (2,000 of which are ready to launch within minutes) and the destruction of habitat due to climate change.
You can breathe easy, at least for now. Our imminent destruction is not quite at hand. Unless of course terrorists develop a Death Star (That’s no moon!) or a Vogon Constructor Fleet decides they need to build a bypass.
So, happy 11:54.
