Baby Brawl! August 16, 2010
Posted by Matt in family.Tags: Day care, fight
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Our 19 month old son JD started to day care the week the girls began school and he’s done a good job of adjusting to the change in routine and to the presence of several other similarly aged children, but sometimes even the most docile of children can be pushed over the edge. Last week Diana stopped by the day care to pick him up and was told a story about a certain altercation that had taken place earlier in the day.
According to the day care worker, another toddler wanted a toy that JD was holding, but he wouldn’t give it up. The other child then pushed JD. Not to be outdone, JD shoved the other guy right back. Then the two of them crouched down and stared menacingly at each other in poses that sound to me like what you see sumo wrestlers doing. That was when the worker came between them.
I don’t think Jackson is going to be a kid that will be pushed around too much…
NCAA Tournament Mascot Fight 2009 – Part 2 March 17, 2009
Posted by Matt in basketball.Tags: fight, March Madness, mascot
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Earlier we looked at the Midwest and West brackets, now let us move on to the East and South.
East:
Round 1:
Even armed with a cutlass, a Buccaneer would have little experience at fighting a powerful Panther.
Pittsburgh def. E. Tennessee St.
Though they each carry firearms, a Volunteer’s weapon would be far slower than the quick draw of a Cowboy with a six-shooter.
Oklahoma St. def. Tennessee
The Seminole easily tomahawk chops the badger.
Florida State def. Wisconsin
One shot and the Musketeer takes down the Viking.
Xavier def. Portland State
We find yet another interesting matchup between the Ram and the Bruin. Each of the opponents is undoubtedly strong, yet the final choice will go to the carnivorous Bruin.
UCLA def. VCU
A Wildcat is small enough to act as pray for the Eagle and would stand little chance.
American def. Villanova
The Golden Gophers will fall to one good stomp from the Longhorns.
Texas def. Minnesota
Though the strange Bearcat hybrid is an intriguing choice, it will have little chance against the dark powers of the Blue Devils.
Duke def. Binghamton
Round 2:
The Cowboy’s draw is even faster than the pouncing Panther.
Oklahoma St. def. Pittsburgh
It was proved to be true in the time of American colonialism and today the Musketeer’s arms are still mightier than those of the Seminole.
Xavier def. Florida St.
If the Bruin can get one paw on the Eagle, it will all be over.
UCLA def. American
The Blue Devils summon the dark powers of the netherworld and quickly put an end to the Longhorns’ aspirations of victory.
Duke def. Texas
Sweet Sixteen
In yet another gun battle, the Cowboy draws quicker than the Musketeer and rides into the Elite Eight sunset in victory.
Oklahoma St. def. Xavier
An azure-hued demon against a bear? You can easily give this on to the Blue Devils over the Bruins.
Duke def. UCLA
Elite Eight
The Cowboy can fire his weapon until he runs out of bullets, he can swing his fists with reckless abandon, but against the supernatural powers of the Blue Devil it will all be for naught.
Duke def. Oklahoma St.
South
Round 1
While the Tarheel struggles to pick their feet up and move forward, the immortal Highlander makes quick work of them with his sword.
Radford def. North Carolina
Bulldogs are tough, but not tough enough to withstand a Tiger’s attack.
LSU def. Butler
The Illini are a Native American group, so I will guess that they are armed like any other stereotypical Indian, with a tomahawk and a bow and arrow. Hilltoppers … ummm … climb hills.
Illinois def. Western Kentucky.
Given that Zip is another word for nothing, this team must not really exist. Therefore, give this one to the Bulldogs.
Gonzaga def. Akron
Never bet against the powers of evil, in this case the Sun Devils, especially when their opponent is an Owl.
Arizona State def. Temple
I’m not sure if Orangemen are merely men painted orange or those who grow oranges, but, in any case, either would be decimated beneath the lumberjack’s axe.
Stephen F. Austin def. Syracuse
Wolverines may be fierce, but they are no match for a Tiger.
Clemson def. Michigan
A Sooner is an early settler of Oklahoma. A Golden Bear is, well, a bear.
Morgan St. def. Oklahoma
Round 2:
The Tiger is strong, but the Highlander is immortal, so all of the beast’s attacks do no real damage. The Highlander’s sword prevails.
Radford def. LSU
The Illini have the distinct advantage of being able to attack from a distance, so they are able to shoot down the Bulldogs with arrows.
Illinois def. Gonzaga
Gathering their vast demonic powers from the sun, the Sun Devils wipe out the Lumberjacks with ease.
Arizona State def. Stephen F. Austin
Another Tiger vs. Bear, but still the same result. Give this one to the Tigers.
Clemson def. Morgan St.
Sweet Sixteen
Being immortal, the Highlander would withstand all attacks from the Illini before eventually cutting them down.
Radford def. Illinois
The Sun Devils turn the Tigers into whimpering little kittens.
Arizona State def. Clemson
Elite Eight
This is an interesting matchup, for you have an immortal man and a demonic force, locked in a battle of wills. With his power and wisdom from the ages through which he has lived, I would give this battle to the Highlander over the Sun Devil.
Radford def. Arizona State
So, our Mascot Fight 2009 Final Four looks like this:
North Dakota State Bison vs. Cal St. Northridge Matadors
Duke Blue Devils vs. Radford Highlanders
And, yes, I realize that these posts are utter nonsense….
NCAA Tournament Mascot Fight 2009 March 17, 2009
Posted by Matt in basketball, random.Tags: fight, March Madness, mascots, NCAA Tournament, predictions
3 comments
I love March Madness.
For the past few months (especially since the end of football season), I’ve had some interest in college hoops, catching games here and there when the opportunity presents itself, but never following it with an intensity similar to that of football. The Tournament, though, is another matter altogether. Like many Americans, I will fill out a bracket and enter into more than one pool with the hopes that my limited knowledge will somehow, someway, propel my picks to the pinnacle of basketball success for the non-athletic nerdy type of person that I am.
Now, I could do some in-depth analysis of each game in an attempt to show that I know what I am talking about, but what is the fun in that? Instead, let’s scrutinize these teams in a different way, a way that is a bit more primal. Let us answer the question that plagues us all – which team mascot would win in a fight?
Midwest:
Round 1:
While Louisville’s basketball team may be the best in the nation, their mascot, the Cardinals, does not exactly strike fear in the heart of anyone. The Eagles will make short work of them in round one.
Morehead St. def. Louisville.
A buckeye is a nut from a buckeye tree – give it to the Saints.
Siena def. Ohio St.
A Ute? Really? Take the claws and teeth of the Wildcats.
Arizona def. Utah.
A demon deacon sounds like some fearsome, otherworldly creature, while Vikings wear funny, spiked hats.
Wake Forest def. Cleveland St.
Normally a Mountaineer, armed with a rope and pickaxe, would not seem like a choice, but against a paper advertisement I’d take them.
West Virginia def. Dayton
Sorry, but a Jayhawk doesn’t stand a chance against a Bison.
North Dakota St. def. Kansas
Eagles have talons and sharp beaks, but I’d still take the Trojan warriors of old.
USC def. Boston College
A colonial person would have little hope against a Spartan warrior.
Michigan St. def. Robert Morris
Round 2:
A saint has a halo and the blessing of God.
Siena def. Morehead St.
Don’t mess with a Demon Deacon who can summon the powers of the dark side.
Wake Forest def. Arizona
The Mountaineer may land a few blows with their pickaxe, but eventually the brute strength of the Bison will be victorious.
North Dakota St. def. West Virginia
This rematch of the ancient Trojan War may be the most intriguing matchup of the second round. Will the Spartans again be able to resort to some form of trickery to gain victory or will the Trojans defeat their ancient enemy? I think history will repeat itself. Michigan St. def. USC
Sweet Sixteen
A battle that goes back even farther than the Trojans and Spartans, the fight between good and evil has been played out for unimaginable eons. But, as the Saints and the Demon Deacons meet, we know that the power of God will always win out.
Siena def. Wake Forest
The Spartan warrior may be heavily armed and well trained, but they would still be dwarfed by the mighty Bison.
North Dakota St. def. Michigan St.
Elite Eight
On first glance, the battle between a saint from God and a lumbering bison seems almost laughable – I mean, what sort of creature would challenge God’s chosen? Well, it must also be remembered that Bison are also the mascot of my alma mater, Harding University and the Church of Christ does not recognize the saints. Therefore, as they prepare to stand against each other, the saint ceases to exist, leaving only the Bison.
North Dakota St. def. Siena
West
Round 1:
Pitting a Husky against a Water Moccasin is a tricky thing, for, while the Husky is far mightier in strength, one bite from the snake will take it down. Go with the Mocs.
Chattanooga def. UConn
An Aggie is someone who attends and agricultural college. A cougar is a vicious, wild animal with sharp teeth and claws.
BYU def. Texas A&M
No offense to my friends Patrick and Ryan, who both have some affection for Purdue, but a Boilermaker is a lame mascot. Give this one to the Panthers.
Northern Iowa def. Purdue
Huskies vs. Bulldogs. No, this is not a night at Michael Vick’s house, instead this dogfight is our next Tourney matchup. I’d take the Huskies.
Washington def. Mississippi State
More Aggies? Take the Golden Eagles.
Marquette def. Utah St.
Let’s see, should we choose the Tigers or what I imagine is a stick of cinnamon-flavored Big Red chewing gum?
Missouri def. Cornell
When it comes to a mascot fight, there are few teams worse than the Terrapins. Take the Golden Bears.
California def. Maryland
While not specifically trained for this type of beast, I would reckon that a matador could handle a tiger, just as they do a bull.
Cal St. Northridge def. Memphis
Round 2:
A cougar may even be quick enough to handle a striking moccasin.
BYU def. Chattanooga
Pitting a panther against a husky could be quite interesting, but I think the quickness of the panther would come out on top in the end.
Northern Iowa def. Washington
Though the golden eagle may be valiant and will no doubt land some tough blows against a tiger, if it let’s down its guard for a mere second, the tiger will pounce.
Missouri def. Marquette
Again, if the matador can take a bull, it can probably take a golden bear as well.
Cal St. Northridge def. California
Sweet Sixteen:
The catfight may be entertaining, but a panther will easily overpower a cougar.
Northern Iowa def. BYU
Another tiger? The Matador with his sharpened sword glides through this round with relative ease.
Cal St. Northridge def. Missouri
Elite Eight
Though it may seem almost unfair to employ his arms against this array of beasts, the matador again easily dispatches of his panther opponent and advances to the final four.
Cal St. Northridge def. Northern Iowa
The Madness is Upon Us – pt.5 March 19, 2008
Posted by Matt in basketball, random.Tags: basketball, fight, NCAA Tournament, nonsense
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So, your final four picks are ready. According to the Words of Wisdom blog your last combatants will be:
The Winthrop Eagles vs. CSU-Fullerton Titans
Miami Hurricanes vs. Miss Valley St. Delta Devils
You can see how we got to this point here:
East Bracket
Midwest Bracket
South Bracket
West Bracket
Who do you think should win?
The Madness is Upon Us – pt.4 March 19, 2008
Posted by Matt in Uncategorized.Tags: basketball, fight, NCAA Tournament, nonsense
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I haven’t done a great job this year of keeping up with NCAA basketball, but, regardless of my lack of knowledge, I always feel compelled to fill out one of those paper brackets and track my poorly-thought-out predictions over the next few weeks, hoping for some crazed miracle to occur and my choices turn out to be correct. I filled out one bracket with real picks, based on their Yahoo team capsules, their current rankings, and what I can generally remember about their basketball teams (which usually dates back at least 10 years), but, for my requisite NCAA blog post, I think I’ll do something a little bit different…
Who would win in a fight?
Sure, we can all choose a team to win based on talent or coaching, but have you ever thought about what would happen if the mascots were to face each other, one-on-one, in deadly combat?
Breaking Down the West
Round 1:
UCLA Bruins vs. Mississippi Valley St. Delta Devils
Normally I wouldn’t choose against an animal as powerful as a bear, but how could one defeat a celestial being of pure evil? The Delta Devil could just burn him alive with hellfire and brimstone.
Winner: Miss. Valley St.
BYU Cougars vs. Texas A&M Aggies
We know a cougar is a nasty little cat found in the wild, but what is an Aggie? The best I can decipher is that it must have something to do with Agriculture (A&M), so perhaps it means a farmer? If he doesn’t have a tractor to run over the critter, I’ll take the cougar.
Winner: BYU
Drake Bulldogs vs. Western Kentucky Hilltoppers
We know that to be a Mountaineer it takes a special kind of person – someone with special equipment for climbing the most difficult precipice and the muscular strength to pull their own body weight. A hilltopper is little more than someone who is able to walk up a slightly elevated incline. Take the bulldog.
Winner: Drake
UConn Huskies vs. San Diego Toreros
Huskies are stout dogs who could normally take out any man, but a Torero has trained for this kind of encounter with a beast, and he carries a sword.
Winner: San Diego
Purdue Boilermakers vs. Baylor Bears
So, a boilermaker is a person who works with steel to make boilers. A bear is a large, ferocious creature with incredible strength and powerful jaws.
Winner: Baylor
Xavier Musketeers vs. Georgia Bulldogs
Well, since the musketeers are obviously carrying a firearm, albeit one that is clumsy to load and prone to backfiring, I’d take them to gun down this bulldog.
Winner: Xavier
West Virginia Mountaineers vs. Arizona Wildcats
As mentioned earlier, mountaineers are highly trained, very strong people who carry picks and climbing axes. The Wildcat may charge, but one good swing of the pick would end the fight in a heartbeat.
Winner: West Virginia
Duke Blue Devils vs. Belmont Bruins
Living in the Memphis area, we know a little bit about the blues and how life can get you down. In my estimation a blue devil is just – a minion of Satan that is in a deep, dark hole of depression. A bruin is a bear. So, while the little devil is crying away his sorrows in despair, he gets mauled by the bear.
Winner: Belmont
Round 2:
Miss. Valley St. Delta Devils vs. Cougars
Seriously? A cougar against a being from the bowels of hell?
Winner: Miss Valley St.
Drake Bulldogs vs. San Diego Toreros
A Torero has a cape, a sword, and says cool things like, “Ole’!” Of course he can take out a bulldog.
Winner: San Diego
Baylor Bears vs. Xavier Musketeers
The Musketeer may have a firearm, but its not a particulary great one. We can even give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he hits the bear with the first shot. Of course, that just angers the bear more and while he is reloading the bear tears him into small bite-size pieces.
Winner: Baylor Bears
West Virginia Mountaineers vs. Belmont Bruins
The mountaineer may lay a good lick on the bruin with his pick, but this is a bear.
Winner: Belmont Bruins
Sweet 16:
Miss. Valley St. Delta Devils vs. San Diego Toreros
There is no sword that can hold back a being of pure evil.
Winner: Miss. Valley St.
Baylor Bears vs. Belmont Bruins
With this bear-on-bear violence going on and the two combatants tearing each other to pieces in what looks as though it will be a draw with no survivors, the Delta Devil suddenly appears and engulfs the entire ring in flame leaving behind nothing but a small pile of ash.
Draw
The Mississippi Valley St. Delta Devils advance to the Final Four
The Madness is Upon Us – pt.3 March 19, 2008
Posted by Matt in basketball, random.Tags: basketball, fight, NCAA Tournament, nonsense
5 comments
I haven’t done a great job this year of keeping up with NCAA basketball, but, regardless of my lack of knowledge, I always feel compelled to fill out one of those paper brackets and track my poorly-thought-out predictions over the next few weeks, hoping for some crazed miracle to occur and my choices turn out to be correct. I filled out one bracket with real picks, based on their Yahoo team capsules, their current rankings, and what I can generally remember about their basketball teams (which usually dates back at least 10 years), but, for my requisite NCAA blog post, I think I’ll do something a little bit different…
Who would win in a fight?
Sure, we can all choose a team to win based on talent or coaching, but have you ever thought about what would happen if the mascots were to face each other, one-on-one, in deadly combat?
Breaking Down the South
Round 1
Memphis Tigers vs. Texas-Arlington Mavericks
When I think of a Maverick, I think of John McCain and his characterization by the media. That being said, even though McCain is one tough dude who survived a Vietnam POW camp, even he can’t take on a full grown tiger.
Winner: Memphis
Mississippi St. Bulldogs vs. Oregon Ducks
Really? A Duck against a Bulldog? Though the duck may quack awfully loud, the bulldog should make short work of it.
Winner: Mississippi St.
Michigan St. Spartans vs. Temple Owls
Have you seen 300? Those Spartans are some pretty bad dudes and, though an owl has night vision and can turn its head around backwards, it still never attacks anything much bigger than a rodent. The Spartan will spear the owl with no problem.
Winner: Michigan St.
Pittsburgh Panthers vs. Oral Roberts Eagles
This is another tough matchup – with a strong and stealthy cat on one side and a powerful bird with sharp talons on the other. Seeing as cats and birds are also natural enemies, this fight will take an especially interesting turn. Even though the eagle will most likely land some hard blows to the panther, I can see the panther finally tearing the bird from the sky and making short work of it.
Winner: Pittsburgh
Marquette Eagles vs. Kentucky Wildcats
A Wildcat is no panther like we saw in the previous entry. In this bout, the eagle will quickly take control through its diving attacks and take the wildcat apart.
Winner: Marquette
Stanford Cardinals vs. Cornell Big Red
Okay…a bird against a color. Well…umm…the bird can fly and the color red is..well…a color.
Winner: Stanford
Miami Hurricanes vs. St. Mary’s Gaels
A hurricane is a terrible storm that can destroy entire cities and a Gael is a person who speaks ancient Gaelic, like Enya, for example.
Winner: Miami
Texas Longhorns vs. Austin Peay Governors
Unless the governor in question is one Arnold Schwarzenegger, I don’t see this being much of a contest. Longhorn cattle are most likely even too large for the Governator himself to bring down.
Winner: Texas
Round 2:
Memphis Tigers vs. Mississippi St. Bulldogs
No contest. The tiger will tear the bulldog to pieces.
Winner: Memphis
Michigan St. Spartans vs. Pittsburgh Panthers
This is another interesting match for you have both a highly trained and well armed warrior and a powerful and quick-striking feline. The Panther may land a few swipes with his claws, but as soon as he gets in very close, this Spartan will take him out with a well-placed sword thrust.
Winner: Michigan St.
Marquette Eagles vs. Stanford Cardinals
The battle of the birds is no contest.
Winner: Marquette
Miami Hurricanes vs. Texas Longhorns
Did you ever see that movie Twister where the tornado carries away the cow? This outcome will be similar, leaving a splattered Longhorn on the ground.
Winner: Miami
Sweet 16:
Memphis Tigers vs. Michigan St. Spartans
A Tiger is a major step up from a Panther and, though the Spartan will put up a good fight and might land a few blows, the tiger will soon pounce and tear him to pieces.
Winner: Memphis
Marquette Eagles vs. Miami Hurricanes
A bird vs. the triple digit wind speed of a hurricane? The eagle will never be seen again.
Winner: Miami
Elite Eight:
Memphis Tigers vs. Miami Hurricanes
The tiger is a magnificent beast, with sharp claws on powerful feet, but not even it can stand up against mother nature. The hurricane will make quick work of the feline fighter and advance to the final four.
Winner: Miami.
The Madness is Upon Us – pt.2 March 19, 2008
Posted by Matt in basketball, random.Tags: basketball, fight, NCAA Tournament, predictions
2 comments
I haven’t done a great job this year of keeping up with NCAA basketball, but, regardless of my lack of knowledge, I always feel compelled to fill out one of those paper brackets and track my poorly-thought-out predictions over the next few weeks, hoping for some crazed miracle to occur and my choices turn out to be correct. I filled out one bracket with real picks, based on their Yahoo team capsules, their current rankings, and what I can generally remember about their basketball teams (which usually dates back at least 10 years), but, for my requisite NCAA blog post, I think I’ll do something a little bit different…
Who would win in a fight?
Sure, we can all choose a team to win based on talent or coaching, but have you ever thought about what would happen if the mascots were to face each other, one-on-one, in deadly combat?
Breaking Down the Midwest
Round 1:
Kansas Jayhawks vs. Portland St. Vikings
A bloodthirsty, brutish man of the high seas against a jayhawk? The bird may land a few pecks, but ultimately it will be crushed by the Viking’s large spiked club.
Winner: Portland St.
UNLV Running Rebels vs. Kent St. Golden Flashes
Golden Flashes? What kind of name is that?
Winner: UNLV
Clemson Tigers vs. Villanova Wildcats
Both may be members of the feline family, but tigers are much bigger and powerful. The wildcat will torn to pieces.
Winner: Clemson
Vanderbilt Commodores vs. Siena Saints
The only Commodore I think of is the venerable computer system from the 80’s, but a saint isn’t exactly the kind of thing that strikes fear in your heart either. Then again, centuries ago those Catholics were a pretty violent bunch, so…
Winner: Siena
USC Trojans vs. Kansas St. Wildcats
Didn’t you see that movie, Troy? Those Trojans are a rough crew and I imagine that one of them, armed to the teeth, wouldn’t have much of a problem dispatching a wildcat.
Winner: USC
Wisconsin Badgers vs. CSU Fullerton Titans
While badgers have a special place in my heart and they are a tenacious rodent-like creature, I think one of the giant Titans of Greek myth would crush it with little effort.
Winner: CSU Fullerton
Gonzaga Zags vs. Davidson Wildcats
A Zag? Seriously? Since I don’t even know if a zag can exist without a zig, this battle will have to go to the wildcat.
Winner: Davidson
Georgetown Hoya vs. UMBC Retrievers
As best I can figure, a hoya is a sound made during regurgitation, so, while it may gross out some people, the retriever probably wouldn’t have a possible with it.
Winner: UMBC
2nd Round:
Portland St. Vikings vs. UNLV Running Rebels
The rebel can run all he wants, but when the Viking lands a blow with his club, it will all be over.
Winner: Portland St.
Clemson Tiger vs. Siena Saint
Using its powerful paws and sharp teeth, the tiger shouldn’t have any trouble wiping the floor with the saint.
Winner: Clemson
USC Trojan vs. CSU-Fullerton Titans
A Trojan would be heavily armed with swords and armor, but a Titan is an ancient and powerful god-like character in Greek mythology.
Winner: CSU-Fullerton
Davidson Wildcats vs. UMBC Retrievers
Another cat vs. dog battle and another that goes in favor of the dog. The retriever may take a few blows, but should still overpower the wildcat.
Winner: UMBC
Sweet 16:
Portland St. Vikings vs. Clemson Tigers
Though the Viking is strong and armed, a 500 pound tiger will be too much for one man to handle. The tiger overpowers him and uses the Viking as an afternoon snack.
Winner: Clemson
CSU-Fullerton Titans vs. UMBC Retrievers
Once again, this is no contest for the Greek deity, who easily squashes the dog out of existence.
Winner: CSU-Fullerton
Elite 8:
Clemson Tigers vs. CSU-Fullerton Titans
The tiger roars ferociously and bares its usually intimidating fangs. It even lunges at the huge mythical figure, but the Titan easily crushes the fighting feline and advances to the Final Four.
Winner: CSU-Fullerton
The Madness Is Upon Us March 19, 2008
Posted by Matt in basketball, random.Tags: basketball, fight, mascots, NCAA Tournament
4 comments
I haven’t done a great job this year of keeping up with NCAA basketball, but, regardless of my lack of knowledge, I always feel compelled to fill out one of those paper brackets and track my poorly-thought-out predictions over the next few weeks, hoping for some crazed miracle to occur and my choices turn out to be correct. I filled out one bracket with real picks, based on their Yahoo team capsules, their current rankings, and what I can generally remember about their basketball teams (which usually dates back at least 10 years), but, for my requisite NCAA blog post, I think I’ll do something a little bit different…
Who would win in a fight?
Sure, we can all choose a team to win based on talent or coaching, but have you ever thought about what would happen if the mascots were to face each other, one-on-one, in deadly combat?
Breaking Down the East
Round 1:
North Carolina Tar Heels vs. Mount St. Mary’s Mountaineers
What kind of mascot is a tar heel anyway? Does anybody really know what that means? I’m guessing it means a guy with actual tar on his heels, which would slow his ability to walk down to almost nothing. So, while Mr. Tar Heel is trudging along, the Mountaineer would have time to tie him up with his trusty climbing rope and bash him in the head with a pick.
Winner: Mount St. Mary’s
Indiana Hoosiers vs. Arkansas Razorbacks
What the heck is a Hoosier? Wikipedia defines it as a resident from Indiana, who I picture as a goofy looking guy staring off into space and picking his nose, you know, the kind of person who enjoys watching cars drive around in circles for 500 miles. A Razorback, on the other hand, is a wild boar with tusks and teeth.
Winner: Arkansas
Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. George Mason Patriots
Though I’m sure Irish people can be pretty tough, they do believe in leprechauns, and are still under British authority. Patriots, on the other hand, actually defeated the British and gained their freedom. Oh, and they also have guns.
Winner: George Mason
Washington St. Cougars vs. Winthrop Eagles
Cougars have claws, sharp teeth, and are very quick, but eagles have talons and the ability to fly. If the cougar was able to catch an eagle in the air and drag it to the ground it may have a chance, but I’ll still have to go with the American emblem here.
Winner: Winthrop
Oklahoma Sooners vs. St. Joseph’s Hawks
I wasn’t too sure about what a Sooner was, either, so I looked it up on the always reliable Wikipedia, which defined it as a settler of Oklahoma who earned part of the Homestead Act. Hawks are trained hunters with sharp talons.
Winner: St. Joseph’s
Louisville Cardinals vs. Boise St. Broncos
Sure, Cardinals can fly, but they are pretty small and non-threatening. A Bronco, on the other hand, is a large horse who, if they could get the Cardinal to the ground, would easily crush the life out of it.
Winner: Boise St.
Butler Bulldogs vs. South Alabama Jaguars
Now this is an interesting match-up! A bulldog, with its large muscular build and powerful jaws, against a jaguar, a cat with claws, teeth, and the ability to strike quickly make this one of the best battles of the first round. Though the jaguar will certainly land some good blows, the bulldog will most likely overpower it in the end.
Winner: Butler
Tennessee Volunteers vs. American Eagles
The American Eagle may pull at your patriotic heartstrings, but a Tennessee volunteer carries a gun.
Winner: Tennessee
Round 2:
Mount St. Mary’s Mountaineers vs. Arkansas Razorbacks
The Mountaineer might hit a damaging blow with his pick, but the razorback will just be too strong for him.
Winner: Arkansas
George Mason Patriots vs. Winthrop Eagles
A real patriot would never shoot an eagle, so he would be forced to forfeit this bout.
Winner: Winthrop Eagles
St. Joseph’s Hawks vs. Boise St. Broncos
Again the Bronco drags another bird down and gives it a good stomping.
Winner: Boise St.
Butler Bulldogs vs. Tennessee Volunteers
A gun vs. a dog? Give me the man with the gun.
Winner: Tennessee
Sweet 16:
Arkansas Razorbacks vs. Winthrop Eagles
Given an Eagle’s ability to fly and sharp talons, a wild pig would have no chance.
Winner: Winthrop
Boise St. Broncos vs. Tennessee Volunteers
If we assume that the Volunteer’s musket has yet to backfire, by this time it must happen – exploding violently in the face of the Volunteer and giving the Bronco plenty of time to gallop at him full speed and kick him into oblivion.
Winner Boise St.
Elite 8:
Winthrop Eagles vs. Boise St. Broncos
The Bronco has grown accustomed to facing birds in battle, but neither the cardinal nor the hawk are as powerful as the stately eagle. Divebombing him with razor-sharp claws the Eagle wears him down before finally blinding him with one well-placed swoop. Methodically, the eagle picks the stumbling Bronco apart and advances to the final four.
Winner: Winthrop
