The Undead Jesus April 3, 2010
Posted by Matt in random.Tags: easter, Jesus, resurrection, undead, vampire, zombie
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We learn from the Gospel accounts that Jesus Christ rose from the dead three days after his execution on a cross. This is a generally accepted concept through the branches of Christianity and one which many base their faith on.
But, the question must be asked, if Jesus rose from the dead, becoming, in a sense, undead, what form did he take?
Zombie or Vampire?
There is some evidence for either side, so I will present a few of points and let you form your own opinion.
When it comes to Zombie Jesus, the most important point seems to be his hunger for human flesh and blood, as evidenced by the Lord’s Supper. Though this Supper did take place before his actual crucifixion, the point still stands that the zombie virus may have already been present, just hindered.
The different post-resurrection accounts tell of Jesus conversing with his apostles and others, a trait that would seem more likely to come from an intelligent vampire than from a zombie, whose vocabulary consists of one word, “Braaaiiinnsss!” Secondly, we learn in the accounts that an angel is waiting for Mary Magadalene at the tomb to announce the resurrection and that this angel’s face shown like lightning. Think of it this way: Shown like lightning = sparkly – you got it, the angel was a Twilight vampire. Also, in Luke’s account, Jesus suddenly appears in a room with his followers – a feat that could have been accomplished if Jesus were in bat form.
So, I ask you, zombie or vampire?
Just so you know, this is all in good fun and not meant to be offensive…
Vice Vampire October 26, 2009
Posted by Matt in politics.Tags: Alan Grayson, Dick Cheney, vampire
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Just in time for Halloween, Rep. Alan Grayson of Florida went on MSNBC’s Hardball and called former Vice President Dick Cheney a vampire. Grayson went on to say, “I have trouble listening to what [Cheney] says sometimes because of the blood that drips from his teeth while he’s talking.” and finished his Cheney tirade by asking the question on everyone’s mind, “By the way, when he was done speaking, did he just then turn into a bat and fly away?”
A vampire in the White House? What’s next, zombies on the supreme court? Werewolves in the defense department? Witches and warlocks in Congress?
On the plus side, this does lend some credence to Obama nominating a new czar over supernatural creatures.
P.S. I almost wish I knew more about Twilight so that I could attribute some poorly written dialogue to the Cheney vampire.
